I noticed the pattern, so I made a choice.

I’m tired of waiting for someone who doesn’t feel the same way I do.

I’m tired of seeking validation and acceptance from people who are uncapable of giving me what I need. I’m tired of hearing I’m sorry for hurting you. If you really are sorry, then please, show me. Use your actions to prove it to me.

I can’t keep doing this to myself. Staying in this cycle is hurting me and hindering me from becoming my best version of myself. I told the person that I love very much that I’m done. If she want me and truly recognizes that I’m the one, then she has to be willing to work for it, to make a relationship work for us.

I am worth it and I have a lot to offer. I set two strong boundaries tonight (now several weeks ago). The first being that I needed no contact for a week to process some of the difficult things said, and the latter being that I need to move on from thinking that the possibility of a relationship with her still exists.

I still will continue to wish her all the best and happiness in this world and would be open to being friends. I’m just very hurt. I need to protect myself and get out of this cycle of trying so hard for something (in this case a relationship) that is not able to be reciprocated in the ways I need.

I leaned from a young age that all I really have is myself. With that being said, I am learning to lean on the friends I call my chosen family, who support me and lift me up.

I am a resilient, adaptable, badass human who has been through so much.

I am deserving of people who can give me the love and support and kindness that I need.

And, after a little over a year of being off and on with this person, I am making the decision to finally chose myself.

It’s what little Teddy would want for me (I mean look at me, I was adorable… and still am), and I’m excited for this new healing journey to begin.