Eating Disorder Relapse & Trying to Recover in an Unhealthy Environment

Relapsing & Accepting Help

(CW: Mention of Eating Disorder Behaviors)

I’ve been hesitant to post this for awhile now.

As some of you know, I graduated from an Eating Disorder Recovery Program in October of 2021. At that time I was doing really well, completing my meal plan 100%, and not engaging in any eating disordered behaviors.

It was around this time that I decided to take a job offer at the Grand Canyon. If you read my latest Newsletter (December 2021) I talk a bit about that there.

Food recovery became difficult due to finances and the length of travel required to gain access to affordable food. My recovery slipped a bit and restriction came back. I was able to manage it for awhile, or so I thought, but it became increasingly worse over time.

I am incredibly privileged to have a team of professionals ( Registered Dietician, Therapist, and Doctor) to help me navigate my recovery. Without their support and guidance, I truly don’t know if I’d be where I am today.

I made the decision to leave the Grand Canyon in early December and head “home” to NY (upstate, not the city). The major reason for my trip back to the town where I grew up in was that my Grandmother wasn’t doing too well. Her physical and mental health were slowly declining. I wanted to be with her for the holidays as I hadn’t seen her in quite sometime, and I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to say goodbye in case things got worse.

So, I packed up my car and roadtripped from the Grand Canyon to New York. Being back home brought about a lot of triggers from childhood as well as some unhealthy family dynamics. I was not as well equipped to deal with those triggers, so I leaned more on my eating disorder while there. My restricting became worse and I started to engage in purging behaviors.

It was around this time that my treatment team and I came to the agreement that when I came back to the west coast (sooner rather than later), I should attend a residential program again.

So, I left New York after saying goodbye to my Grandma, fellow family members and my best friend (she’s been my rock throughout this adventure).

And that leads us here, to this moment. I am traveling across the United States in hopes to get a spot at a treatment center that I went to last year (2021) so I can finally recover from my eating disorder. I have gained a lot of useful knowledge these past few months that I am sure will help catalyst my recovery journey.

Food recovery on the road has been intense but I have been staying in communication with my treatment team and am doing my best to follow their recommendations.

I am grateful for the fact that my team has continued to go above and beyond to help me fulfill the requirements to get accepted into treatment, as well as being a major support for me emotionally.

I can happily say that I arrived in Oregon just yesterday and will hopefully be in treatment soon.

I am looking forward to being in an environment where not only my identity is respected, but where people are fully supportive of my journey and genuinely want to help me recover.

XOXO

Teddy Hikes