My dad died.

September 8th, 2023.

The day my whole world changed.

I had just gotten settled in my new house with my good friends, a week prior.

Work had been stable (as stable as any nonprofit is), and recovery from my eating disorder and substances was going well.

Everything in my life was looking up for me.

I was doing the best that I have ever been (good labs, challenging myself to cook new things, and being mindful of what my soul self wanted).

Maybe somewhere deep down my dad knew that I was going to be okay, and that’s why he left this world when he did.

The past few weeks have been a blur but have also been filled with a lot of adventure.

I embarked on a two and a half week adventure out of the country with my best friend from high school (more blog posts to come on that in the future).

The trip was planned long before my dad died.

I’m glad I decided on still going (just one week after he passed).

I left the day after the funeral. There wasn’t really any time to process and feel the pain that I’ve been holding in.

My friend and I traveled to Scotland, England, and France. I then ended the trip solo in Amsterdam, for one and a half days and the entire experience was amazing.

I loved traveling and exploring new places, and I missed my dad terribly.

I would do anything to bring him back, for one last hug, one last phone call, anything, but unfortunately that is not how life works.

I am currently on the plane heading back home to Oregon as I type this. Yesterday was the first day since everything happened where I was alone. Just me, myself, and my thoughts.

I wasn’t near any of my support people and the weight and pain of my fathers passing truly hit me.

The world has felt so incredibly dark.

My patterns in the past and thoughts of self destruction were strong.

Being in Amsterdam, a place where there is weed & alcohol and other substances around all the time was very tempting.

I wanted anything but to feel the pain that I was feeling.

Instead of turning to substances or purging, I texted with a friend in sobriety and called my other friend who is in sobriety as well as eating disorder recovery.

I truly don’t know what I would do without the supportive people that I have in my life.

I’m a bit sad that a lot of my close friends and people that I’ve met over the past few years all live very far away, but I’m grateful that regardless of distance, I have a core group of people who have been there for me through the darkest moments of my life.

I guess I’m writing this as a way to update you all on what my life has been like the past month, and to hopefully motivate me to write more frequently on here.

I want to continue to pursue things that make me the most authentic person I can be (it’s what my dad would’ve wanted).

Stay tuned for updates on recovery challenges, pictures from my travels, and things I’m looking forward too.

Below is one of my favorite photos of me and my dad.

He will be in my heart forever. ❤

As always, thanks for reading.

XOXO

Teddy Hikes